There has been a lot of news lately about international adoption. It is hard to process, because the truth that is spoken about on the news is so different from my truth. It seems like adoption is being portrayed as... impossible. Children are damaged and can't be helped, adoptive parents are either evil or stupid and all adoption is corrupt. The thing is... none of these things are true. But unfortunately, none of these things are entirely false either. Some children have experienced so much trauma, neglect, abuse and heartache that they really may never be able to be a functioning part of a family. Some people choose adoption for terrible reasons, abuse children that they've promised to love and protect forever and refuse to get the help that they and their children need. Some people and agencies involved in adoption go out and find babies to provide referrals, lying about paperwork or lying to families who only want a better life for their children, giving people money to place their children for adoption.
I am not blind to this side of adoption. I know it is there, I know it is awful and I know not enough is being done to fix it. But... while all of these things are true of adoption, they aren't the only truths about adoption.
Adoption is nearly always born of tragedy. My daughter lost everyone who loved her for reasons that should never, in a rational world, exist. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, and it should never have happened. It did. We have lost three babies, one a domestic adoption that fell through after she had been living with us for over a month, one to a miscarriage and one to an ectopic pregnancy. It should never have happened in a fair world. It did. We found each other and we made a family. We laugh, we cry, we get mad, we are a family in every sense of the word. I have met (online and in person) many other families created through international adoption, and they are much the same. They are families, with all of the joys and pains that go with that.
Every night as I hold Meron in my arms I tell her that I love her more than anything in the whole world. I do. A few days ago Meron and I had to stay home from work and daycare, because she had the flu. Wow. That was one heck of an experience. Between the two of us, we had 12 complete outfit changes during the day, mostly because when she was feeling like she needed to throw up she wanted me to hold her to comfort her. Well.... how could I not? I feel like I passed a motherhood test that day when I kept a pleasant, sympathetic smile on my face as my two year old was vomiting into the v-neck of my pyjamas at 3 o'clock in the morning. We spent all day cuddling on the couch, and at one point Mer turned to me and said, 'I love you the whole world, Mama.' She does. And while the awful side of adoption is the truth in a few cases, we are also the truth.
