My new favorite picture of Meron...

The last one is my favorite, but I kind of love them all...but I wish she didn't have a big mosquito bite under her eye.

Two YEARS- Referral Anniversary

Two years ago we saw this face:

In two years she has gone from that sweet, sad little face to

We love you SO MUCH, Mimi. You are without a doubt the most amazing person on the planet.

For your reading pleasure, a repeat of our story of 'the Call.'

It was a day that I went in to work late (back in the days when I worked from 8-4:30 and one night a week from 12:30-9) and I had just finished making myself a pita sandwich and sweet potato fries for lunch. That's when I heard it: Nathan's voice saying loudly and repeatedly "Hold on to your potatoes, lady, we're going for a ride!!" It was the ring tone that he had recorded for me one night when I really had no hope we would actually get a referral. It was the ring tone I had assigned to our adoption agency's phone number. My heart dropped into my stomach. I told myself it was probably just Toni calling about a paperwork issue or checking in on us. No need to get excited. Don't get excited. I knew as soon as I heard her voice, however that this was no routine phone call. She said, "Kate, do you have someplace you can sit down? I'd like to tell you about your referral. You are going to be so blessed." I immediately started shaking. She asked where Nathan was, because she wanted to conference him in. I panicked. "He's at work! You'll have to Page him! I don't know if he'll answer! I don't know if he's in class! She asked for his number and put me on hold. This was beyond cruel. It was the LONGEST wait on hold I've ever had. While on I was on hold on my cell phone, our home phone rang. It was my friend and office mate, Mary. She said, "Toni just called our office looking for you! Are you getting your referral!?" I said, "YES! She won't tell me anything until she finds Nathan! Find Nathan!!" Since Nathan, Mary and I all work at the same place, I was thinking maybe she could run find him... or page him herself... or SOMETHING BECAUSE I NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT OUR REFERRAL!!! I hung up with her and Nathan called on our home phone. I said, "Oh my GOD! Did Toni call you?!" He said, "No.... I just called to tell you what was for supper at the cafeteria tonight." "Oh my GOD! You have to get off the phone! Toni's going to have you paged! We're getting a referral!" Nathan said, "Really? Oh, okay. They're having tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches." "GET OFF THE PHONE!!!"
Finally, FINALLY, Toni got us both conferenced in. I was shaking uncontrollably. I grabbed a pen and paper to take notes (as if every second of that conversation isn't etched into my memory). Toni told us about the girl who would be our daughter. She was 8 months old, she said, and had a little smile in her referral photo. She said she was healthy, and beautiful and could sit up by herself. She told us about her history, and that she'd only been in the orphanage for 16 days. She said the doctors said she had a smiley face and that she was 14lbs 3 oz and 21.7 inches long. Her name was Tewabech. Toni said she'd e-mail us her picture and congratulated us.
I told Nathan, " You HAVE TO COME HOME SO WE CAN LOOK AT HER PICTURE TOGETHER! RIGHT NOW!" I then called one of the supervisors and blabbered something about Nathan NEEDING to come home. RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW! I'm sure she thought I was insane. I ran to the computer, thinking I'd get everything ready so that when Nathan got home we could just click on the file and download it. I called my mom to tell her the news and she started crying. Then, the unthinkable happened: my hotmail wouldn't open! It said hotmail service was unavailable! The whole point of hotmail is that it is ALWAYS AVAILABLE!!! I freaked out. I was already shaking and crying, as was mom, and I need to see her face. I NEEDED to see her. I asked mom to see if she could open it and gave her the password to my account. She was maybe a little flustered as well, as she insisted for about a minute that nowhere in hotmail or msn did it say she should sign in. She finally got into my e-mail and saw her picture. Mom gasped and screamed a little. "Oh KATE! She's so beautiful! She's so sweet! She has the most amazing eyes I've ever seen!" I couldn't stand it. I was literally pacing in little circles in the kitchen, almost spinning. Finally, my hotmail let me in. I opened the e-mail, intending to get the attachment to the point where I would just have to click on 'download' as soon as Nathan came in the door. And there it was. There SHE was. My daughter... with a little tiny hint of a smile on her face. Huge brown eyes. I felt like I was drowning. I have never been so happy/scared/in love/excited/terrified in my life. This girl? This perfect little sweet baby?! I wasn't good enough for this girl! There was no way I deserved this girl! Finally, Nathan got home. I showed him our daughter. We stared at her picture. We analyzed every detail of her face. We speculated about the hint of mischief in the face that we were sure meant she was going to be an exciting kid. We fell in love. We fell hard. Two months and one day later, we held her in our arms for the first time.

The Streak

Meron's new favorite pass time?
Now that she has figured out how to open the sliding glass doors even when they are locked, she likes to run outside instead of going to the bathtub. Yup. Pretty funny. Good thing we have a fenced in yard. Although, we have to get faster, because she told me she 'go potty like the puppies in the grass.' Whoops. I love the first picture, because of how obviously pleased she is with herself.

So.... Where do we go from here?

We have the official word. The kids are going to go to their dad. It is what we expected, and although our hearts are seriously broken, it is good to have resolution. These past couple of months have been horrible. We are so grateful that they won't be in an orphanage.
So... now what? These are the kids we've been thinking of as 'ours' for 7 1/2 months. We love them. They are a part of our family. But they can't ever be our kids. So, our agency said they put us on the wait list for a referral. We discussed what ages/genders we would be open to. the range is pretty wide... siblings between the ages of 0 and 7, preferably with a girl older than 4. I was all set to sit and wait for several months, grieving the loss of the dreams we had for our family and preparing to accept the fact that two other kids will be in these visions instead. However, our case manager says that they have just received info on several sibling groups, some of whom 'may meet fall within the parameters' of our request. They are waiting for medical information, but say that we should expect to receive a referral with in the month!
I don't know how to process this. I'm kind of excited... I mean, how could it not be exciting to wait every day for the phone to ring and for someone to tell you that you have children? There are so many other emotions, though. I'm scared. What if we lose these kids too? This was horrible! How can we just fall in love with two more kids? Give them our hearts and hope they aren't broken again? And what if we look at them, and don't feel the same kind of connection as we felt when we looked at Yewubdar and Sintayehu? And how can we just... switch? It feels like we're being... disloyal. Replacing two children who are irreplaceable. Or something. I don't know. And I am still so freakin' SAD! I don't know if I'll be able to be as happy when I get this phone call as these future children, whoever they may be, deserve.
But, a phone call is coming... ready or not. We are really the only ones in our agency waiting for kids of these ages, so if we don't go on the wait list the kids will become waiting children... and I don't want them to sit in an orphanage waiting for me to process stuff. So I guess I'd better get ready.

The Long Awaited Update

I know there are a lot of people I should have talked to personally to tell them about this, so I apologize. I just...can't right now. The news is not great for us, but okay for the kids, which is really the important thing. Their absent relative came to their court date and said he wants them back. We are waiting for the official ruling of the court on the 23rd, but there really isn't any chance that the court will decide not to award custody to him. We don't know why he has never been a part of their lives, but we hope his motives are good. We are sad. Really sad. But we hope everything will be okay for Y. and S.
Send some love their way if you have some to spare.