Monday, August 29, 2011
For my Mum...
Who gets sad without frequent pictures. Thanks for the early birthday present, Mom and Dad!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Oh My Achin' Heart...
So... three years ago we met Meron. Sweet baby, huh? Here is what I wrote about what went down...
Three years to the day later, I walked her to school for the first time, along with her older sister and younger brother. I couldn't have imagined then what our family would be like today. It didn't take me long to realize she'd be sassy and sweet and lovely and precious to me. I could never have guessed how compassionate, tender hearted, funny, precocious and maddeningly obstinate she would become.
I had butterflies in my stomach the whole morning before she had to be at school. I knew how Malakai would be at school... not great at listening but can follow along and be good natured and charming. I know Hani will be a good listener and a perfectionist and will love school when she starts at a different school next week. I didn't know what Meron would do. She needs things to be on her terms, and I was so worried she would clam up or be too shy or cry when we left.
Meron did none of those things. She went right in, took the Principal's hand when she led her to the classroom, and started playing. When Mal started crying when we had to leave, she came over and held his hand and patted him on the back and said, "Mommy and Daddy will come back in a little bit. It's okay." He trusts and loves her so much. He stopped crying and held onto her hand for dear life. She gave me a kiss and went back to playing, Malakai pulled along behind her.
I am full of anxiety about the hurts she will inevitably receive from the world, because I want so much to protect her from all of the ugliness that is out there. And so sad that she is that much closer to not needing me... to leaving and becoming this whole other person whose life is separate from mine. It is so much worse with her than it is with Hani and Kai, because they were already big when they came to our family. They have never needed me in the same ways that Meron did.... so it doesn't feel like such a loss to me that they won't need me as much.
But I am also so very proud of the person she is becoming and excited to watch the things she will do and the ways she will make her world a better place. And I am hopeful that she will always need her mama, at least a little bit.
Three years to the day later, I walked her to school for the first time, along with her older sister and younger brother. I couldn't have imagined then what our family would be like today. It didn't take me long to realize she'd be sassy and sweet and lovely and precious to me. I could never have guessed how compassionate, tender hearted, funny, precocious and maddeningly obstinate she would become.
I had butterflies in my stomach the whole morning before she had to be at school. I knew how Malakai would be at school... not great at listening but can follow along and be good natured and charming. I know Hani will be a good listener and a perfectionist and will love school when she starts at a different school next week. I didn't know what Meron would do. She needs things to be on her terms, and I was so worried she would clam up or be too shy or cry when we left.
Meron did none of those things. She went right in, took the Principal's hand when she led her to the classroom, and started playing. When Mal started crying when we had to leave, she came over and held his hand and patted him on the back and said, "Mommy and Daddy will come back in a little bit. It's okay." He trusts and loves her so much. He stopped crying and held onto her hand for dear life. She gave me a kiss and went back to playing, Malakai pulled along behind her.
I am full of anxiety about the hurts she will inevitably receive from the world, because I want so much to protect her from all of the ugliness that is out there. And so sad that she is that much closer to not needing me... to leaving and becoming this whole other person whose life is separate from mine. It is so much worse with her than it is with Hani and Kai, because they were already big when they came to our family. They have never needed me in the same ways that Meron did.... so it doesn't feel like such a loss to me that they won't need me as much.
But I am also so very proud of the person she is becoming and excited to watch the things she will do and the ways she will make her world a better place. And I am hopeful that she will always need her mama, at least a little bit.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Anger
I know people don't read this blog (people meaning my 10 loyal readers) to get yelled at... or to listen to me rant. I know my last post was kind of a downer. Sorry. This one is going to be kinda crappy too. Because I am angry. So. Angry. And I don't want to talk about how cute my kids are (though they are beautiful beyond words). And I don't want to talk about how Hani is going to head start screening tomorrow (though my heart aches with pride and anxiety). I don't want to talk about the funny stories Mer has been telling me or how we are seeing more and more of Mal's dimples and of his defiant side. The only thing I really want to talk about is how angry I am.
29,000 children under the age of 5 have died in the Horn of Africa in the last 90 days. 29,000 children like mine... or younger. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Tens of thousands more deaths are coming. And we could stop it! The world has the resources to stop this from happening and we aren't! I don't understand why. I am so angry I want to shake people and scream. Don't they see? Don't they understand? Why don't these children matter?
If 29,000 children died in Texas in the last 90 days, the world wouldn't stand for it. People would come together to donate food and supplies. There would be help coming from the entire world. Why are 29,000 children in Texas any different, more worthy of help, than 29,000 children in Somalia and Ethiopia? Nobody would talk about anything else. Think about how much news coverage was given to a shooting in Norway. It was a tragedy. Absolutely. Those families were torn apart and will forever experience a grief I pray I never understand. But what about the 29,000 families in Ethiopia and Somalia that are experiencing the same loss? How much are we talking about them?
Ever see the movie "Hotel Rwanda?" It takes place during the Rwandan genocide in 1994. In a film full of awful moments, the most awful to me was when a Rwandan named Paul was trying desperately to get media attention. He thought that once the whole world knew what was going on, they would stop the slaughter. Jack, an American, told him it wouldn't matter. Paul replied, "How can they not do anything? Don't they care?" Jack told him "I think that when people turn on their TVs and see this footage, they'll say, 'Oh my God, that's horrible,' and then they'll go back to eating their dinners." He was right, of course. 800,000 people died before anyone tried to do anything.
Isn't that what we're doing? We see the news footage. We think it is awful. Then we go back to our own lives and our stack of bills that need to get paid and our problems at work and at home. And we forget. Because it is easier? More comfortable? Because the problem is so big it is overwhelming? All of those things are true. But it doesn't make us any less awful.
And it doesn't make it less awful that on my MSN news page it has headlines including "15 Mood Busting Ideas for Summer," "7 Homes for $300 K around the World" and "Mystery Woman Revealed in Elvis Photo" and doesn't say anything about the fact that right now, the sun is rising over the Horn of Africa, and today, thousands more children will die... and we could stop it, but we aren't. And I am angry. At all of us... and myself. But that doesn't help the 29,000 children that will die in the next 90 days, does it?
I'm done yelling about it. My next post will be about how much I love my children, because it isn't helping for me to yell and be angry. The only thing that will help is giving as much as I can, so I will know that at least I did something. Even though it won't be enough. And I hope you will, too.
29,000 children under the age of 5 have died in the Horn of Africa in the last 90 days. 29,000 children like mine... or younger. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Tens of thousands more deaths are coming. And we could stop it! The world has the resources to stop this from happening and we aren't! I don't understand why. I am so angry I want to shake people and scream. Don't they see? Don't they understand? Why don't these children matter?
If 29,000 children died in Texas in the last 90 days, the world wouldn't stand for it. People would come together to donate food and supplies. There would be help coming from the entire world. Why are 29,000 children in Texas any different, more worthy of help, than 29,000 children in Somalia and Ethiopia? Nobody would talk about anything else. Think about how much news coverage was given to a shooting in Norway. It was a tragedy. Absolutely. Those families were torn apart and will forever experience a grief I pray I never understand. But what about the 29,000 families in Ethiopia and Somalia that are experiencing the same loss? How much are we talking about them?
Ever see the movie "Hotel Rwanda?" It takes place during the Rwandan genocide in 1994. In a film full of awful moments, the most awful to me was when a Rwandan named Paul was trying desperately to get media attention. He thought that once the whole world knew what was going on, they would stop the slaughter. Jack, an American, told him it wouldn't matter. Paul replied, "How can they not do anything? Don't they care?" Jack told him "I think that when people turn on their TVs and see this footage, they'll say, 'Oh my God, that's horrible,' and then they'll go back to eating their dinners." He was right, of course. 800,000 people died before anyone tried to do anything.
Isn't that what we're doing? We see the news footage. We think it is awful. Then we go back to our own lives and our stack of bills that need to get paid and our problems at work and at home. And we forget. Because it is easier? More comfortable? Because the problem is so big it is overwhelming? All of those things are true. But it doesn't make us any less awful.
And it doesn't make it less awful that on my MSN news page it has headlines including "15 Mood Busting Ideas for Summer," "7 Homes for $300 K around the World" and "Mystery Woman Revealed in Elvis Photo" and doesn't say anything about the fact that right now, the sun is rising over the Horn of Africa, and today, thousands more children will die... and we could stop it, but we aren't. And I am angry. At all of us... and myself. But that doesn't help the 29,000 children that will die in the next 90 days, does it?
I'm done yelling about it. My next post will be about how much I love my children, because it isn't helping for me to yell and be angry. The only thing that will help is giving as much as I can, so I will know that at least I did something. Even though it won't be enough. And I hope you will, too.
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