A Christmas Gift Idea

For the last three years I have been giving crappy presents for Christmas. Well, maybe not crappy. Well thought out but probably not very fun. When I say well thought out, I really mean it. It is hard to choose. Every year I stare at the computer screen, making impossible choices as to where to send my money in honor of my loved ones while tears stream down my cheeks because of the overwhelming amount of need and at the frustration of being one of the people who send money instead of one of the people making things happen. At the incredible injustice of the world. I use the Global Giving website. There are thousands of grassroots projects requesting money in almost every country in the world. How do you choose?

Combat Malnutrition in Kenya with the Moringa Tree?
Moringa trees are rich in vitamins A, C, calcium, iron & potassium; higher in protein than soybean meal; drought resistant, add nitrogen to soil; anti-bacterial; used for household water purification; a source of edible oil, bio fuel & cattle feed. Trees purchased fund education for EYAC members. Planted at orphanages & schools, the trees provide a sustainable solution for malnutrition. Training women in business and product development will provide empowering income-generating opportunities. Fantastic idea, right?

Empower Marginalized Young Women in Ghana?
In our holistic school-based program, marginalized women turned apprentices develop their seamstress skills to transform hand-dyed fabric and up-cycled plastic sachets into handmade bags, wallets and aprons simultaneously taking classes. They receive the tools necessary to practice a trade, make a living and become self-reliant leaders of their communities. Each girl graduates from ABAN with over $200 USD and the skills to use it wisely to provide herself and her child with a brighter future.  Sounds great!

Puppets Against Abuse in Kinshasa?
The work of Puppeteers Without Borders (PWB) is to give local educators, artists and puppeteers the tools to address the specific problems of the Kinshasa society by training them to create strong, compelling performances which can encourage new understandings and behavioural change. At the same time our puppeteers will train local social workers to use puppets as a therapeutic tool to help the outcast children overcome the effects of their traumas, that are a result of being accused of sorcery.   I didn't know this was a thing... but I do know that for children, play therapy can be life saving.

Rescue Children Suffering from Severe Malnutrition in Nepal?
Through an innovative program of nutritional therapy using only locally produced ingredients, NYF has helped save thousands of children afflicted with malnutrition. While the children are recovering their health, NYF nutritionists teach the mothers safe nutritional practices and proper food preparation. This not only ensures that the children stay healthy once they leave the NRH, the entire family's nutrition benefits from the mother's training.  They say that 50% of children in Nepal suffer from malnutrition and that most of that malnutrition is caused by not understanding proper nutrition, not poverty.


Simple Surgery to Restore Eyesight in Ehthiopia?
In particularly remote areas of the Gamo Gofa region, there are currently little or no eye care facilities, yet a simple surgery is the sight-saving answer for thousands of affected Ethiopians. With effective surgery, someone's suffering could be over in a matter of hours. This could change so many lives!



Stop South Sudanese Mothers from Dying in Childbirth
Our Onura Maternal Survival Project will pay for sterile medical supplies; a childbirth delivery bed; and training for midwives on handling delivery complications and providing prenatal and postnatal care, newborn care, and family planning services.  Did you know that in some parts of Africa, a woman has a 1 in 12 chance of dying in childbirth during her life time? 1 in 12!

See what I mean? Thousands of well thought out, worthy causes. Thousands of people who's lives could be made infinitely better. But who should be chosen? And, who should be left behind?   So.. if you are scrambling for last minute gifts or can't find the right thing for those people in your lives who have everything, give it a look.  Cover some of those that I don't choose. Just pick two people and replace their gifts with gifts in their honor from a worthy cause. I don't have a big following (Hey you 19 awesome people!) but even if just the 19 people who have followed my blog picked two charities to give to, that would be 38 organizations.  That's a LOT more than I can do on my own. And, every time I write a new post I get about 200 hits. I know most of these are my mom (Hi mama!) but lets say 100 are from other people. That's 200 organizations that could get money. Cool, right? Just consider it. And maybe pass the word...

Thoughts...

My fingers ache. They are as wrinkled as prunes and smell like conditioner. After two heads full of tiny corn rows my eyes are starting to cross. I was never good at braids. I am not good at doing my own hair. I am getting a handle on theirs.
I think as I braid, my hands falling into a now familiar rhythm, fingers moving on their own.  I think about how I pictured my life. I think of the children I pictured when I was pregnant. Little girls with long smooth hair and freckles.  Chubby pink cheeks. Eyes like my mom's and the Loy lips to go along with them. The Norwegian bone structure from my father peeking out through the baby roundness.  I wonder what my life would have been like. Who they would have been. Who I would have been if things had gone according to plan and if things had not gone wrong around 12 weeks. And then the next time around 6 weeks.  Do I still grieve for them? For the me I could have been, still trusting that really bad things won't happen? Maybe.  Sometimes I think of those little girls and long for them.
Then I look down at the straight rows emerging from my fingertips.  I see the dark ringlets run riot in the next section to be braided. I feel a small pat on my foot from my first and now middle daughter. I hear the laughter coming from upstairs as my eldest and youngest race to see who can get their pajamas on first, and smile as I hear their feet thunder down the stairs. My life is different than I thought it would be. My children are not who I envisioned when I was picturing my future. But they are mine. And they are perfect. And when I look at them, I see my children... not who I was anticipating, but better than I ever could have imagined. And for that, I am oh so thankful.

My Mimi-girl

I mentioned it in the last post, but I need to talk a little bit about this. My sweet baby? My little tiny, newborn clothes at 11 months Mimi?  She's 5. Yeah. I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. I was in denial up until the day of her birthday am in denial. How can she be so big? How can that tiny baby be this vibrant, smart, stubborn, mischievous, gentle, tender hearted, sensitive... kid? It breaks my heart on a daily basis. She is so beautiful. So tall and graceful. She has those incredible eyes that still catch me by surprise sometimes. She has a sharp wit and an even sharper tongue... she is a force of nature.  Meron has a tough exterior that belies the soft, tender, easily crushed center. Her first response to anger? To do whatever it was again while giggling manically.  I'm not sure if she is saving face or trying to do it until we laugh, but we have learned that with her, anger is never productive (which can be difficult when she is doing something she has been asked not to while giggling manically).  Things with Mer... they are on her terms.
We frequently talk about what kind of animals our kids would be if they were animals (things get boring once the kids are asleep...). Hana is an egret (long legged and awkward in situations that make her uncomfortable but magic in her element) or sometimes a dog (super eager to please and sensitive to criticism). Kai is a bear cub (super cute and cuddly but is generally falling down or rolling around on the floor at any given time) or a rhino, charging ahead through life headless of obstacles. Meron, she is always a cat. Aloof if you demand affection. Graceful and agile, incredibly cuddly and affectionate when and with whom she chooses. Gentle and nurturing to littler kids, with wicked claws and fangs that appear from nowhere when provoked. Earn her love and you will be richly rewarded, because she loves deeply.  Her penchant for dancing on tables and her aversion to clothing makes me a little afraid for her college years, but wherever she goes in life I am confident she will do things on her terms. In her way. And she'll be great. But, I don't want her to go.

I have already lost baby Mimi, toddler Mimi and 3 and 4 year old Mimi. Preschool Mimi will be gone soon, replaced by Kindergarten Meron. And what, exactly, am I going to do without her? When she gets too big to sit on my lap or carry on my hip? When she wants to go to hang out with friends instead of thinking that the perfect day means hanging out with her entire extended family? When she moves out and goes to college?!  I think she'll move closer to me again when she has babies though, because if they're anything like her she's going to need LOTS of help and she says she wants to have 20 kids, but STILL!  I know, people survive this sort of thing. Kids are supposed to leave, so exciting to watch who they become, blah blah blah. I get it. I'll be excited to get to know the older versions of her, but this one is just so dang delicious. I just want to freeze time and keep her all to myself.  Anybody an inventor? I have a proposition for you...

A Joyful Noise

Meron is 5. I can't believe she is that big. And she got a drum set for her birthday. She and Hana have decided to form a band that sings about fairies. It is loud at our house... and very exciting.

Photo Op

 And why we can't have nice things.

Cuteness

Mystery solved...

On Tuesday Hani was all out of sorts. Like... cried 15 times during the hour she was home between school and dance class and twice in the 5 minute car ride to dance class. This was clearly one year ago Hana, not current Hana. She wouldn't say what was wrong, even though we all knew something was.  Had a nice time at dance, came home and started crying again. Still... "Nothing's wrong mama! Why you keep asking me?!" Finally she cracked. "Mama, I pulled my tooth while I was at school and it started to wiggle and then it was BLEEDING ALL OVER EVERYTHING! I'm gonna DIE!" Yup. There it is.  Mystery solved. We had a long discussion about bleeding and the difference between dangerous bleeding and a little bleeding. She snuggled in. She went to bed.  Fifteen minutes later she came into our room where I was reading and said, "Mama... my tooth is...out. And it didn't even hurt."  She put it under her pillow and went back to bed.  Anybody who has a kid with some trauma knows how big this was. She was scared. Really scared. It took her a while, but she told me why. And she recovered. She didn't strike out verbally or physically. She didn't hurt herself or try to convince us that we didn't want her to be in our family. She just told me and trusted me when I told her it was going to be okay. So. Big. Also? She looks really cute with a giant hole in her smile.

Plans...

Okay... so we have to move. Not right this minute, but we need to make some plans. We have always known we would move. When we chose to adopt our first child from Ethiopia and we looked around the corner of South Dakota where we live, we knew it wouldn't be fair to bring our beautiful brown baby into the sea of whiteness. We have jobs we like with great benefits and a house that is truly our home, but the school our kids go to is 99% white. This doesn't bother Meron yet, although it may in the future, but Hana doesn't like it.  She hates to be different, and her beautiful dark brown skin is a novelty in her class. People touch her hair. They feel her skin. They ask her questions. Some kids might be tolerant of this, but she isn't... and she shouldn't have to be. So... we need to move. Someplace she doesn't stand out in a crowd for her appearance. Someplace where our kids can be around people of all colors.  We want this to be our last move. We want a home and roots, because I don't like the idea of our kids needing to rebuild their lives over and over again. Even now, with one in kindergarten and two in preschool, they have friends. Social lives. There are people they love here. Those things are hard to lose and we don't want them to have to do it more than once, so where ever we choose to move, we want to be there for at least the next 15 years.  The problem is, the needs and wants of all of the people in our family are vastly different.
The kids need diversity, opportunities to explore the things that they like and have more options other than football or cheer leading, close proximity to grandparents (because Meron wilts like a flower if she doesn't have frequent Grammy time and my mom doesn't fair much better) and ideally, a house in the country so they have room to run and play independently.
Nathan needs someplace he can open a taekwondo gym and expand. This is more difficult than it sounds, because he is part of an organization and he can only open schools in areas that aren't already taken by other members of this organization.
I want to live in a specific area... I need trees and hills and water and green. It soothes my soul and I have spent the last 7 years living in South Dakota which, while has its own type of barren, desolate beauty, does not fulfill this need. I also need to live in a place that tends toward liberalism. There are wonderful people here, and many people I have grown to treasure (even some that are very conservative). But it gets tiresome. I am always walking that line between trying to educate people about issues about which I am passionate and realizing that I need to live in this place and not offend all of the people around me. I often don't feel at home, and that is a hard way to feel when you are trying to build a life in a place.
So... all of these things? They are impossible. In no place on the planet can all of these needs be met. So what do we do? Who loses? Well... me. The kids obviously come first.  That takes out about 90% of the towns in the area where my parents live. And then it comes down to what Nathan and I want. There are two areas left... one that has the things that I want, one that has the things that he wants. And I'm going to lose. Taekwondo is his career... how can I ask him to give up something so important to him for something as abstract as...pretty.  It is what it is... I'm kind of sad about it, and Nathan hates to see me give up on the things that make me feel at peace, but I don't see any way around it.  So, what's my point?
I don't know. I think it is more of a question... how do you balance in a family. How do you make sure everyone has what is most important to them? How do you maintain who you are and what makes your heart happy when you have to weigh that against the needs of the family as a whole? Marriage is hard, yo. Families are hard. I wouldn't change my family. I love them. I love us. But that doesn't make it less hard. And that doesn't mean I don't sometimes long to be able to have things my way.

A Battle...

First, you need a little back story.
When I was in college I lived in a little apartment in a brick building. It was great, but I slept on an air mattress because I couldn't afford a real bed. A dear friend of mine came to visit me one day and made fun of me for 'camping in the bedroom.' She offered to give me an old mattress she had in her garage. Score, right?! I was so excited. She delivered my new mattress and I slept on it blissfully for weeks. I started noticing odd things happening in my apartment. For example, all of the buttons were suddenly gone from the cordless phone I frequently left on the floor. That kind of thing happens, right? The buttons are suddenly scraped off of your phone? Sure.  Then one night I saw a mouse. I had NEVER seen a mouse in my apartment. No pests of any kind! I spent a whole night chasing it around, caught it, and put it outside. I chalked it up to some weird fluke. After all, 3 years of rodentless bliss should count for some security, right?  I told my landlady about it and she immediately called in a pest control guy to check for holes and cracks. They didn't find anything amiss. He decided it probably had wandered in from outside when the door was propped open.
A week later I was sleeping peacefully in my lovely mattress. I awoke to a... thump on my head and something scrabbling around in my hair. I sat up quickly and turned on the light. There was nothing in my hair. I thought it was a bad dream... until I heard a distinctive thump to the floor and a scurry. Yes, you read that right. A scurry. I saw a mouse running through my bedroom to the living room. I leaped from my bed and started chasing it, moaning in disgust. It took me 3 hours, but I caught it in an upturned bowl and tossed him outside. Bleck. So. Gross. I went to my parent's house to get some relief from the relentless rodent invasion. Having been up for most of the night catching my uninvited guest, I was extremely tired. I fell asleep on their couch with a blanket pulled over my head to protect me from mice.  While I was sleeping, I once again, for the second time in 24 hours, was awoken to a thump and a scurry on my head.  No, I'm not kidding. Seriously. There was a mouse on my head. I. FROKE. OUT.  This was only made worse when I got back to my apartment and found yet another mouse in my apartment.  I checked my messages and had one from my landlady, saying that she had happened to notice me moving a new mattress in recently and wondered if it might not have been stored in a garage. Why yes, I thought, it had. What of it?  Turns out I had moved an entire mouse city into my tiny apartment. Not just moved it in, mind you, but SLEPT on in. For WEEKS! Who knows how many midnight visitors walked in my hair or over my face while I slept the sleep of the college student crashing after finals week?! Did you know that mice pee continuously?! Every time they take a step they pee!!!  (excuse me, I can't write about this without feeling dirty. I'm going to take a shower)

Where was I. Oh yeah. Mouse city. That I slept on. During the time period BMC (Before Mouse City), I wasn't scared of mice. I didn't like them in houses because of the filth thing and the plague thing, but I generally thought they were cute if they were outside and bore them no ill will.  AMC (After Mousal Contamination) I noticed a shift in my attitude. I went from being mildly startled when I was caught unawares by a mouse to an absolute hatred/terror of them. Seriously. I shiver just thinking about them.
This all leads me to what happened last week.  Meron and I were sitting around, waiting for her dance class to start, when I saw one. A rodent invader. IN. MY. HOUSE! My safe, cozy house. BLARG! The house next door to us has been vacant for a long time but someone finally bought it and is renovating it. I supposed that a mouse had come looking for a quieter place to sleep (clearly it hadn't met  my children yet). I called my mother and told her. She squealed with me for a while and then told me that I would be safe in bed, because mice can't climb stairs.  I yelled at her, "I'm 32 YEARS OLD MOTHER! I KNOW MICE CAN CLIMB STAIRS!!" She replied that she was only trying to help, because she remembered that time that the mice kept crawling around on me while I slept. GARRRR! I envisioned them scurrying up the stairs while I slept and climbing over Nathan to get to me.  While I appreciated Mom's attempt at soothing me, it was unsuccessful.  I called Nathan and told him we were moving out. He told me that was silly. So I told him we were burning our house down. He declined. I told him that he had to come up with a viable alternative to keeping me safe from THEM. He mumbled something smarmy about mice being known as the assassins of the animal world and said he'd get a trap. Now.... I hate mice. Really, I do. But I also hate killing things. I have seen mice caught in traps before and it is horrible. Especially when they don't die but are all broken. Awful. So I made him get live traps so that we could catch the filthy bugger and put him out in the country somewhere.
A great plan, right? Nathan and I put peanut butter sandwiches in some live traps and left them in the places we had seen the mouse.  We left for our big trip to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area, arrogantly certain that we would return to a mouse free house. Or, at least, a house that contained a mouse in a live trap.
Much to my dismay, we didn't have a mouse contained in a live trap. We had a live trap full of mouse poop with no peanut butter sandwich in it.  Now, not only did we have a mouse, we had a stronger, faster, peanut butter sustained mouse who had learned to crave our food!!
Off to the store for a different brand of live trap. We set them up. We caught nothing. And I found a piece of mouse poop in the strainer in the kitchen. That's right, the place where we put clean dishes.  After rinsing my mouth with bleach, I went over to talk to the dogs. They LIVE in the kitchen. Stu freaks out if there is a FLY in the kitchen. How could he have let this happen?!?!
Then I saw what was in Rosie's mouth. It was the trap. One of the traps that was completely out of the normal range of where Rosie and Stu go in our house.  And there was a puddle of blood on the carpet. Normally, I'd have a problem with blood on the floor. This time? Not so much. I feel bad that the mouse had to die. Dogs have bad breath... it couldn't have been pleasant.  But am I sorry? Not gonna lie... I petted the dogs just a little bit extra last night.  And Nathan is a little embarrassed that Stu and Rosie saved me from the assassin mouse when he couldn't.

Things you have missed...

Kai's first day of school. Seriously. What a charmer.

 Lots of school, lots of work. Kindergarten and preschool going great for everyone. Work crazy crazy busy, but going well.
I turned 32. And... well... that happened.
Then, oh, did I mention THIS happened?

For reals... I painted my toes before we left. Hiking/canoe trips are hard on a girl's nail polish.  Details to follow. Seriously... one hell of a trip.

Babies

Headed to pre school open house...

First day of kindergarten for Hani. First day of Pre School for Mer. Kai's first day of school is tomorrow.... and he is mad.  You can't tell by his attempt at a smile, can you?

So excited to watch Hani blossom this year. All day school will be so good for her and I think she is going to have so much fun.

This girl? She cried hysterically when Hani got to go to orientation yesterday and Meron didn't have any school. She can write Hana's name, but only the M and the O in Meron. She is so ready for school.

And Kai? Well, I suffered quite a lot of verbal abuse this morning when he had to stay home with me instead of going to school. So excited that tomorrow is his day. It is going to be a great year.