I know. You're thinking, "I'm pretty sure we have all been aware of your inadequacies for quite some time now." I am embarrassingly inadequate in many ways. I just discovered a new one.
Let us set the scene, shall we?
It is the big day. The once a year dance recital for which Hana and Meron have been practicing. They are giddy with excitement. I, as per usual, have left a few small things to the last minute. Their hair is supposed to be slicked back into a bun. I've never been terribly successful at buns, and Meron's hair.. well... slicked back is not its natural state of being. Off I went to the store, feeling pretty virtuous because we had to be ready to go by 2 and I was going to the store to get stuff at 11. PLENTY of time, right? Hana's hair was in a bunch of braids, so pulling it back into a bun would be easy. Meron's hair was in a couple of braids so it would be relatively tangle free. On the way out the door I remembered that the instructions also called for stage make up. No problem. I was always one of the make up people when I was a drama geek in high school.
At the store I saw two other people buying hair gel and make up for the dance recital. I checked in on times with them, feeling even more virtuous that I was correct in my understanding of when they needed to be at the auditorium. I wandered around the hair aisle and settled on Extra Firm Hold hair gel. Off to the make up aisle for lip stick, blush and maybe some eye shadow. I walked directly to lipsticks and then froze. A flush of panic rose over me. What the hell color of lipstick do I get for Hana?! I know how to do make up for me, barely, but I have no idea how to do Hana's. I went back and forth, trying to visualize how different shades would look on her. I was unsuccessful.
Not knowing what to do to enhance the incredible beauty of her features on stage, I started looking at eye shadow. Yup. No idea. I finally settled on buying no make up and running home. I used some gel to tame fly aways in Hani's braids and pulled it back into the required low bun. Less than a minute. All went as planned getting Meron ready to go. I used my make up, applying gold and brown eye shadow, mascara, blush and a raspberry colored lip gloss. She looked super cute. We were running really far ahead.
Hana sat down to take her turn and dropped a bomb. She wanted her braids out so her hair could look like Meron's. No other kids would have hair in braids and a bun. I looked at the clock. I looked at her big eyes and slightly trembling lip. Okay. I said. It doesn't matter that we just spent two hours putting those braids in last week. Sure baby, sure.
I started removing braids like a woman possessed. This is was made substantially more difficult by the Extra Firm Hold Gel I had slathered onto them. At one point Nathan, Meron, Hana, and I were all undoing braids together. Meron had to be at her rehearsal an hour before Hana did, so Nathan took her and left. I kept working at a fevered pitch. I finally got them all out and her hair combed back into a low ponytail. I was sweating and covered in conditioner and gel, and I hadn't taken a shower yet. The phone rang. "Hey, are you done with Hana's hair yet? They are running ahead and want to start Hana's rehearsal a half hour early. All of the other kids are here and they are only waiting for Hani."
I may have turned an inappropriate expletive into "SHIT...Tuation under control." It wasn't my best cover ever, but I think it slid by unnoticed. Hana had caught the gist of said situation from my end of the conversation and started to panic. "I'm LATE!!! I'm LATE!!" with tears welling. I finished her bun as soothingly and calmly as I could, got her dressed and ran out the door. She made it just in time to practice and did a great job. Shwew.
Then it was time for pictures. We hadn't had time to do her make up, but I brought my purse with all of my makeup in it with when we left the house. I led her over to the corner and started applications. She was glowing. She felt beautiful and special. She's been having a hell of a hard time lately, and it was nice to see. I put on her mascara and sparkly eye shadow. She beamed at me and said, "Okay, time for my lipstick!" I reached into my purse to get the lip gloss, and came up empty. It wasn't there. I searched my pockets, the entire purse and, stupidly, the floor. It had fallen out somehow on our frenzied dash out the door.
I looked at my girl, all sparkles and good feelings. Not everyone would think lip gloss would be a big deal. The thought process would go something like this, "Oh shoot! Well, maybe I can borrow some from somebody or maybe we can run home and look for it." Only I know my girl. Her thought process would go more like this, "She made sure Meron got lip gloss and not me. She doesn't love me. She doesn't want me to look pretty." It wouldn't matter how many explanations and platitudes I gave, those would be her feelings. The sparkle would be gone from the day.
I searched for an alternative. The only thing I could find in my purse was lotion. I sighed. I said, "Oh! Here we go, this will work!" so that I wasn't technically lying. I put lotion on my fingertip while it was hidden in my purse and slathered some on. She smiled, content in the knowledge that she looked beautiful (which she did). She got her pictures taken. She did the dance recital and did a fantastic job. Crisis averted, relationship maintained. And DAMN were her lips conditioned.
