Okay, we got some bad news from our Agency Rep. yesterday. She says that there just haven't been a lot of referrals for sibling groups coming in right now, and she thinks that the wait for referrals for siblings will be between 6 and 12 months, probably closer to 12. That means that if we wait for a referral of siblings, we might not get a referral until March of '09!
We are pretty sad. I can't stand the thought of another Christmas with no babies.
So... we have to make some decisions. At this point we are open to twins under 6 months or siblings under the age of 2 (with 1 under the age of 6 months) at least one of whom is a girl. That will make our wait longer, as it is more specific. We need to decide if we should open up the age ranges more (but we really do want to have at least one baby... it would be hard to miss that stage completely), say we don't care at all about gender (but we really loved having a daughter, and really want to have that again), or saying we are open to single infants as well as sibling groups.
It would be a bummer to not get siblings, because we didn't want our child to be the only one in the family who is African American. On the other hand, we have already been talking about adopting waiting children from the HIV+ orphanage (AHOPE). We would just really have to make a commitment to adopt again. But... if we adopt siblings now it will cost us $2700 extra to do the paperwork for a second child. If we pursue an entirely different adoption later on, it will end up costing the whole $20,000 to redo all of the court, agency, and paperwork costs again....but if we really do have to wait until March for our referral, all of our paperwork will have expired and we will need to do a lot of it over again anyway.
We really don't know what to do. We need some advice... anybody have any?
Michael and I have been thinking about what we would do. Of course, it doesn't mean it would apply to you, but considering you are seeking advice, I thought I would share our thoughts.
ReplyDeleteDespite the fact that it's hard to imagine the overwhelming work and energy involved in getting two children from Ethiopia at the same time, we both think we would stick with it. Starting a new file again in a few years might be very painful and it might not be a good idea to have your first child witness it. Plus money is always a consideration.
So we would open up the criteria.
First, we both would drop the gender. I do, now, understand why you would like to have a girl, but looking at baby boys around me, I feel the adventure would be equally fun. You wouldn't get to choose the gender if you weren't adopting, so why not go with which ever is ready to start living with you first.
Secondly, I do understand that having a small baby is very important, but would you consider getting a baby older than 6 months? We cherished the early months after Leah's birth, but now at 9 months old, she is still a baby AND she is a lot of fun. You would still have many "baby moments" to share, even if it's older than 6 months.
Finally, we would consider getting two children who are not sibblings. They would probably still be there for each other, understand and support each other and call themselves brothers and/or sisters. I don't think that sharing "blood" is going to change anything. I might be wrong and there might be a lot of things I am not aware of, but it seems to me that the family bond (YOUR family!) will be strong enough.
From what I read on your blog, it seems that your priority is to have children. I think that the 'privilege' of 'selecting' them is too distracting. All this paperwork forces you to focus on the procedure, rather than on the end result. No matter who and how old these two children are going to be, I am pretty sure you will be overjoyed to become their parents.
Best of luck for the next few months.
Hang in there!
Erica and Michael