My new favorite picture of Meron...

The last one is my favorite, but I kind of love them all...but I wish she didn't have a big mosquito bite under her eye.

Two YEARS- Referral Anniversary

Two years ago we saw this face:

In two years she has gone from that sweet, sad little face to

We love you SO MUCH, Mimi. You are without a doubt the most amazing person on the planet.

For your reading pleasure, a repeat of our story of 'the Call.'

It was a day that I went in to work late (back in the days when I worked from 8-4:30 and one night a week from 12:30-9) and I had just finished making myself a pita sandwich and sweet potato fries for lunch. That's when I heard it: Nathan's voice saying loudly and repeatedly "Hold on to your potatoes, lady, we're going for a ride!!" It was the ring tone that he had recorded for me one night when I really had no hope we would actually get a referral. It was the ring tone I had assigned to our adoption agency's phone number. My heart dropped into my stomach. I told myself it was probably just Toni calling about a paperwork issue or checking in on us. No need to get excited. Don't get excited. I knew as soon as I heard her voice, however that this was no routine phone call. She said, "Kate, do you have someplace you can sit down? I'd like to tell you about your referral. You are going to be so blessed." I immediately started shaking. She asked where Nathan was, because she wanted to conference him in. I panicked. "He's at work! You'll have to Page him! I don't know if he'll answer! I don't know if he's in class! She asked for his number and put me on hold. This was beyond cruel. It was the LONGEST wait on hold I've ever had. While on I was on hold on my cell phone, our home phone rang. It was my friend and office mate, Mary. She said, "Toni just called our office looking for you! Are you getting your referral!?" I said, "YES! She won't tell me anything until she finds Nathan! Find Nathan!!" Since Nathan, Mary and I all work at the same place, I was thinking maybe she could run find him... or page him herself... or SOMETHING BECAUSE I NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT OUR REFERRAL!!! I hung up with her and Nathan called on our home phone. I said, "Oh my GOD! Did Toni call you?!" He said, "No.... I just called to tell you what was for supper at the cafeteria tonight." "Oh my GOD! You have to get off the phone! Toni's going to have you paged! We're getting a referral!" Nathan said, "Really? Oh, okay. They're having tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches." "GET OFF THE PHONE!!!"
Finally, FINALLY, Toni got us both conferenced in. I was shaking uncontrollably. I grabbed a pen and paper to take notes (as if every second of that conversation isn't etched into my memory). Toni told us about the girl who would be our daughter. She was 8 months old, she said, and had a little smile in her referral photo. She said she was healthy, and beautiful and could sit up by herself. She told us about her history, and that she'd only been in the orphanage for 16 days. She said the doctors said she had a smiley face and that she was 14lbs 3 oz and 21.7 inches long. Her name was Tewabech. Toni said she'd e-mail us her picture and congratulated us.
I told Nathan, " You HAVE TO COME HOME SO WE CAN LOOK AT HER PICTURE TOGETHER! RIGHT NOW!" I then called one of the supervisors and blabbered something about Nathan NEEDING to come home. RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW! I'm sure she thought I was insane. I ran to the computer, thinking I'd get everything ready so that when Nathan got home we could just click on the file and download it. I called my mom to tell her the news and she started crying. Then, the unthinkable happened: my hotmail wouldn't open! It said hotmail service was unavailable! The whole point of hotmail is that it is ALWAYS AVAILABLE!!! I freaked out. I was already shaking and crying, as was mom, and I need to see her face. I NEEDED to see her. I asked mom to see if she could open it and gave her the password to my account. She was maybe a little flustered as well, as she insisted for about a minute that nowhere in hotmail or msn did it say she should sign in. She finally got into my e-mail and saw her picture. Mom gasped and screamed a little. "Oh KATE! She's so beautiful! She's so sweet! She has the most amazing eyes I've ever seen!" I couldn't stand it. I was literally pacing in little circles in the kitchen, almost spinning. Finally, my hotmail let me in. I opened the e-mail, intending to get the attachment to the point where I would just have to click on 'download' as soon as Nathan came in the door. And there it was. There SHE was. My daughter... with a little tiny hint of a smile on her face. Huge brown eyes. I felt like I was drowning. I have never been so happy/scared/in love/excited/terrified in my life. This girl? This perfect little sweet baby?! I wasn't good enough for this girl! There was no way I deserved this girl! Finally, Nathan got home. I showed him our daughter. We stared at her picture. We analyzed every detail of her face. We speculated about the hint of mischief in the face that we were sure meant she was going to be an exciting kid. We fell in love. We fell hard. Two months and one day later, we held her in our arms for the first time.

The Streak

Meron's new favorite pass time?
Now that she has figured out how to open the sliding glass doors even when they are locked, she likes to run outside instead of going to the bathtub. Yup. Pretty funny. Good thing we have a fenced in yard. Although, we have to get faster, because she told me she 'go potty like the puppies in the grass.' Whoops. I love the first picture, because of how obviously pleased she is with herself.

So.... Where do we go from here?

We have the official word. The kids are going to go to their dad. It is what we expected, and although our hearts are seriously broken, it is good to have resolution. These past couple of months have been horrible. We are so grateful that they won't be in an orphanage.
So... now what? These are the kids we've been thinking of as 'ours' for 7 1/2 months. We love them. They are a part of our family. But they can't ever be our kids. So, our agency said they put us on the wait list for a referral. We discussed what ages/genders we would be open to. the range is pretty wide... siblings between the ages of 0 and 7, preferably with a girl older than 4. I was all set to sit and wait for several months, grieving the loss of the dreams we had for our family and preparing to accept the fact that two other kids will be in these visions instead. However, our case manager says that they have just received info on several sibling groups, some of whom 'may meet fall within the parameters' of our request. They are waiting for medical information, but say that we should expect to receive a referral with in the month!
I don't know how to process this. I'm kind of excited... I mean, how could it not be exciting to wait every day for the phone to ring and for someone to tell you that you have children? There are so many other emotions, though. I'm scared. What if we lose these kids too? This was horrible! How can we just fall in love with two more kids? Give them our hearts and hope they aren't broken again? And what if we look at them, and don't feel the same kind of connection as we felt when we looked at Yewubdar and Sintayehu? And how can we just... switch? It feels like we're being... disloyal. Replacing two children who are irreplaceable. Or something. I don't know. And I am still so freakin' SAD! I don't know if I'll be able to be as happy when I get this phone call as these future children, whoever they may be, deserve.
But, a phone call is coming... ready or not. We are really the only ones in our agency waiting for kids of these ages, so if we don't go on the wait list the kids will become waiting children... and I don't want them to sit in an orphanage waiting for me to process stuff. So I guess I'd better get ready.

The Long Awaited Update

I know there are a lot of people I should have talked to personally to tell them about this, so I apologize. I just...can't right now. The news is not great for us, but okay for the kids, which is really the important thing. Their absent relative came to their court date and said he wants them back. We are waiting for the official ruling of the court on the 23rd, but there really isn't any chance that the court will decide not to award custody to him. We don't know why he has never been a part of their lives, but we hope his motives are good. We are sad. Really sad. But we hope everything will be okay for Y. and S.
Send some love their way if you have some to spare.

A little morning dance music for you...

Who doesn't love a little K'Naan in the morning? I decided we needed links to these songs on my blog, mostly so that I don't have to find them on youtube 50,000 times a day. It has been a very very stressful time for us... and what better to do when you're sad and scared than start a dance party!? Been dancing all morning, waiting for news of our court date.

Oh so Faint... but a Glimmer of Hope

We have been waiting for the last week and a half for the bomb to be dropped. You know... the "I know you love these kids and would do anything for them, but you can't have them and they won't ever have a family and there's not a thing in the world you can do about it." Yesterday our case manager sent me an e-mail stating that the head of the Ethiopian program would be calling us today. We thought, this is it. Why else would she have someone else call? If it was happy news, she'd want to tell us.
Well, I waited all day for the call, slogging through my day at work and jumping when the phone rang. When I got home, I had an e-mail saying that they just received word that the kids have a court date in the city where they are from. The orphanage director is trying to get them declared as legally abandoned. Our agency said they don't know if it will work... it isn't something they would usually do because of our unusual circumstances, and they have no idea how long it might take... if the judge can see past the letter of the law and look more towards the spirit of the law. However, the orphanage director and agency staff say that everyone who meets our kids falls in love with them, and everyone has a huge soft spot for these particular kids. They are going to exhaust every effort to make sure they have a family, even if they don't think it will work.
It may be faint, but a glimmer it is. So, on June 15th, if you could send some good thoughts toward Ethiopia and cross your fingers, we'd greatly appreciate it. Actually, start sending the good thoughts now. It can't hurt to have them building up for a few days.

So impressed....

with myself for getting Meron to sit still long enough to do her hair in flat twists (I think they look pretty good for a first attempt at doing her whole head)

and with Meron for her new trike riding skillz...

Just so you all don't think I spend all of my time being depressed and angst ridden...

10 things I am thankful for in no particular order... and some pictures (since I know that is what you're all waiting for).

1. The way Meron says ketchup.... "Kepsush"

2. I love my family. I mean all of my family. Parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts and uncles, second cousins... whatever. They're awesome.

3. I am really enjoying the last month of "my girls" at work. I won't be able to be their counselor after this month, so I've been having a great time.

4.Meron has started doing this new thing... when she wakes up in the morning, she lays down by me with her head on my pillow and we chat for a while. She is so sweet and cuddly and we talk about what we're going to do all day.

5. That we are fortunate enough to be able to add more children to our family.

6. That Nathan does the dishes 99.9% of the time... because he's just that awesome.

7. Either Meron has gone to sleep in less than 45 minutes 3 sleeps in a row. (sadly, this is a very big deal)

8. That Mer is big enough to want to run through a sprinkler this summer. So. Much. Fun.

9. That Meron and I went to the park tonight and we sat on top of the jungle gym and talked about our days. Meron says she played in the sandbox, then got gum, ate pizza, made some money, took a nap and then Mama picked her up. Sounds like a stellar day to me.

10. These pictures of Meron telling me a story. I love that I can almost hear what she was talking about because of the progression of faces she's making.

Update on the Big Kids....

Kind of. So far all we know for sure is that they gave them another 10 days of staying at the transition center in Addis. This is good, because they've been there for a year, and I would hate for them to be uprooted again needlessly. Other than that, the new isn't great.
Thanks so much to everyone for your kind words, support, and ideas. I've talked with our agency about all of the ideas everyone has had, and they said because of the situation and the region that our kids are from, these aren't possible. Everything comes down to a relative (who really hasn't ever been a part of the kids' lives but still has all of their rights). This person has been informed of the situation, but ethically can't be pressured into signing papers. They just need to decide if they want the kids with them (which would be fine) or want the kids to come to us (which we would love).... or just do nothing (in which case the kids will grow up in an orphanage). So far they are choosing the third option, and there is nothing anyone can do about it and still remain ethical. I just wish there was some way we could fight for them. We have so much fight and nothing we can do with it. All we can do is keep hoping. And keep loving them. And wait.